Letters from Birthmothers: Stephanie

I hold in my hand a future. It is the future of my unborn child. The most important decision to be made about her life has to be made before she even comes into this world - it is the choice of who will act as her mother and father. In August of this past summer, I found out that I was pregnant. I was stunned. The sheer seriousness of the situation knocked me back, sent me spinning in circles, searching for the right thing to do. I was carrying a baby- the life of another human being, a part of me that would soon be here. It was an overwhelming realization.

I had an important choice to make. I needed to decide what I was going to do with the life of the child. I debated between raising the baby by myself or choosing the route of adoption. It was a painful decision to make- I cried so many nights, wondering what would be the best for the baby, my baby. I worked out every scenario over and over. Could I raise the baby? Yes, probably. The question wasn't whether or not I had the ability to raise the baby, but whether or not I would be a sufficient mother, and whether or not I had the capability to give my daughter everything I would want her to have.

I was to leave for college in a year, and had to still finish my senior year of high school. I didn't have a job, a car or my own house. I knew that my parents would help me as much as they could, but was that the life I wanted for my baby and me? Was it fair to her, to be brought into the world and not get every opportunity that should be available to her? No, that was not the life I wanted for my baby. I wanted her to have the chance to try anything and everything that she wanted. That is what she deserved, and I knew that I could not give that to her. As much as I wanted to, it was not a possibility.

My parents helped me contact an adoption agency and set up a meeting to discuss the option of an adoptive family. When I talked to the counselors and walked throughout the process, I knew this was the right thing to do. I knew that there were families who were ready to have a new baby, both emotionally and financially. They could not have children, and I would be giving them the biggest gift I will ever give anyone- the life of my baby girl.

Through the agency, I arranged a time to meet with the family I had selected, a couple named Tom and Mary. They were spectacular people, and I fell in love with them the moment I laid eyes on them. I knew that these were the people I would want to raise my daughter. They could give her all of the things I would want her to have, and would love her just as much as I would. They even had a named picked out already- Madison Lynn. It was the most beautiful name I had ever heard, because it was the name of my daughter.

I know in my heart that I have made the right decision. It will probably be one of the most difficult decisions I will ever have to make in my life, but I am confident that it is the best choice for all of us. I will always love my daughter, and I will always think of her and keep her as a part of my life. No matter how far she is from me, she will always be my baby girl. No matter what she does, she will always hold such a special place in my heart. I hold in my hand a future- her future- and I know it's a bright one.

Your birth mother,
Stephanie