Considering Giving Baby up for Adoption?
Receive Honest Answers & Help Now.

A 35+ year tradition of providing 5 star adoption services for Texas Birth and Adoptive Families and women considering giving baby for adoption

Eleven Step Adoption Process for Texas Birth Parents

When She is Considering “giving her baby up” for Adoption

Are you really “giving up” or realistically trying to “make a plan to ensure your baby has a secure future”? This decision generally falls squarely on the expecting mom’s shoulders. This happens for various reasons, such as absentee dad, no support system, and/or other children in the home being supported by a single mom who is overwhelmed financially or emotionally. 

Occasionally, I will help couples who decide to place their child, though, unfortunately, both mother and father being present is the exception. For that reason, this will primarily be written with the expectant mom or Birthmother in mind.

Understandably, you are afraid. It may feel like you are trapped and can’t find a way out.  You don’t want to be pregnant or have a baby, and you feel like there are no options for you.  You may have heard disturbing things about adoption.  Many women are scared that if they contact an adoption agency, they will be forced to sign something or lose the right to make their own decisions.  You do not have to sign anything until after the birth unless you decide to place the baby, and you will make the decisions about the placement of your baby, who will adopt your baby, and how many contacts you will have.  You will still have to wait 48 hours after the baby’s birth before signing the necessary documents to allow the baby to be placed for adoption.  

Before we begin with specifics, if you are pregnant and considering adoption, you will not have to pay for anything if you choose to make an adoption plan.  

Also, you will not have to get your own attorney or appear in court.

So, once you have decided to begin planning to place your baby for adoption, this is how you proceed:

First, apply for Pregnancy Medicaid. This can be done online at: 

Medicaid for Pregnant Women & CHIP Perinatal – Texas …

https://www.hhs.texas.gov › … › Programs for Women

Some places provide free pregnancy tests and ultrasounds if you aren’t sure you are pregnant or how far along you are. Here is one in the Houston Area: 

Houston Pregnancy Help Center, 3636 San Jacinto, Houston, Tx 77004 phone number 713-518-6645

If you would like help finding another one closer to your location, call the number above or give me a call at 281-235-5103. 

Second, discuss your thoughts with the father of the baby (if possible). He is still a part of your life, and you are comfortable doing so. Many times, these situations are complicated, and this is not possible. If that is the case, you may choose to talk to your adoption counselor first. 

Third, unless you are trying to keep this pregnancy a secret, talk with a trusted friend or family member who knows your situation and be honest and non-judgmental with you in their counsel. Most importantly, you want them to keep your confidence. Use your judgment about whom you talk to about your plans. For the apparent reason, you deserve privacy. You don’t need advice from someone who will try to become overly involved in your decision. You probably have already had individuals who have told you what to do and promised to help you, but you are unsure if you can count on them to follow through.

The earlier you discuss your thoughts about your adoption plan with those who care about you, the more time they will have to adjust to the idea. In addition, this will help prevent overreaction when the baby is born, and the placement plan is in progress, and they are just finding out.

Fourth, talk with an adoption professional, such as me. I strongly encourage working with a licensed “in-state” adoption agency. 

State Licensed Adoption Agency adoptions such as those done by AdopTexas are the safest, most intelligent, and least stressful way to go about making an Adoption Plan for a baby. Here are the reasons why:

• Professionalism and knowledge of the laws and requirements (40+ years of experience for me and AdopTexas)
• Prospective Adoptive Parents (PAP) have been rigorously screened by AdopTexas, including 

1. criminal history, 
2. health, 
3. financial status 
4. employment 
5. Five years of tax history 
6. references 
7. multiple interviews 
8. home inspection for health and safety 
9. an investigation into attitudes and experiences with adoption 
10. childrearing and their own childhood experiences 
11. feelings, attitudes about the birth mother, sharing adoption with the child, and many more requirements. 

• PAP must maintain ongoing adoption training while waiting and have regular contact with their counselor to assess their attitudes or situation changes. 
• The Home Study must be updated annually while the family waits to be selected by a mom. 
• The licensed agency will handle all the legal paperwork and use a qualified and reputable Adoption Attorney. 
• Not all, though some licensed agencies, including AdopTexas, never ends their availability for emotional support and contact with the Birthparents.
• All State Licensed adoption agencies are audited annually by their State Representative, ensuring that all the Standards for Child Placing Agencies are followed.

Private adoptions occur when there is no licensed agency involved. There is no advocate or safety net for the birth mother or the adoptive family to make sure promises will be kept, such as contact through the years. There is no ongoing support and counseling for the birth mother as she processes her decision after the placement. This emotional process may become dormant for a while, even years, and suddenly surface when least expected. Who will she talk to that understands normal emotions and give her the help she needs? 

Private adoptions do not have oversight by a third-party licensing organization that ensures the woman’s rights who is pregnant and considering adoption and the baby’s safety are protected. 

In Private Adoptions, the adopting family must make all the arrangements, such as finding someone to do their home study and a reputable attorney to handle the legal paperwork. Generally, there is no ongoing counseling for the Birthmother. Additionally, the adoptive parents are not legally allowed to provide financial assistance to the Birthmother for living expenses.

Facilitators are the last place you should go for help with your adoption plans. This is why:

• They operate by presenting themselves as licensed, which they aren’t, and have no one making sure they are ethical in their practices. They act as a clearinghouse, accepting fees from potential adoptive parents. For the payment, the family can post their pictures and profiles on the web to be viewed by thousands of Expecting moms searching on the internet. These families and pregnant moms have no idea what they are getting themselves into. 
• Once selected, the potential Adoptive Family is left to work out all the details in a fractured, often unprofessional manner. In addition, they will need to contract with a social worker who will sometimes be rushed and possibly complete a less than thorough home study. 
• The Adoptive Family will also have to find a licensed agency in the state they live in that will supervise the placement after the baby goes home with them. 
• The Adoptive Family must secure their lawyer who may not fully understand adoption law or the often-complicated Interstate Compact requirements. These laws govern the transport of children across state lines. Every state has its own unique Interstate Compact and Adoption Laws. Each state’s laws must be followed when the baby is born in one state and placed with a family in another state. Facilitators will argue that they help with all of this, but this usually means they will provide a list of resources for each state. 
• As for the Birthmother, there is no ongoing emotional support. A social worker is hired to meet with her a minimum number of times, usually 2 or 3, and then send a signed counseling worksheet to the attorney to file with the court. That will be the end of the support the birth mother receives from a counselor. There will be no one she can call as the months and years go by when she needs counseling, or should she need help with her agreed-upon relationship with her baby’s adoptive parents.

Fifth, when you are ready, you can call, text (281-235-5103), or email Charlotte Duncan @ (charlotte.duncan625@gmail.com) to set up a time to begin the relationship with me or an adoption professional. During the meeting, we will learn about each other. For example, what do you want your plans to be for the future. What is important to you in an Adoptive Family: 

1. working or non-working mother 
2. preferences for a religious belief system
3. whether there are other children in the adoptive family 
4. the amount of contact you want with the child and adoptive family after placement, etc.)

Sixth, Select the Adoptive Family and Begin Preparation Counseling

• Depending on how far along you are in your pregnancy, you will begin looking at photo albums of Prospective Adoptive Families and decide if or when you want to meet them. This decision and how it is handled is up to you. Every mom is different, and some want much contact with the adoptive family. Others don’t want to choose or meet them and ask me to help them. This is your choice. There is no pressure. You and your peace of mind are what counts.
• You and I will begin meeting and getting to know each other during regularly scheduled visits. When mom is far along in her pregnancy, we can accomplish everything to place the child successfully; even if I have been contacted after the baby is born. Because of the number of waiting families, the baby can be placed directly from the hospital with their adoptive family. This would happen after the birth mother has approved the placement and signed her legal documents. 
• The Birth parents will have a chance to read all the legal documents and paperwork before signing them.

Seventh, Financial Assistance, Texas licensed Adoption Agencies can help women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and considering adoption with their approved living expenses. These may include:

• Rent
• Utilities
• Phone
• Food
• Personal Hygiene
• Laundry and cleaning supplies
• Mileage/transportation to and from the OB, hospital, and counseling appointments

This financial assistance is also available after the baby is born and the Birthmother is recuperating.

All the approved financial assistance to the woman considering placing her baby for adoption must be documented and kept in a record for review by the licensing division.

It is not lawful for an Attorney-arranged Adoption, Facilitator, or Private Adoption without the involvement of a licensed agency to help a mother with financial assistance for anything other than legal and medical expenses. There are legal penalties for breaking this law which may be found in the Texas Family Law Code and is considered a third-degree felony. 

PENAL CODE

TITLE 6. OFFENSES AGAINST THE FAMILY

Sec. 25.08. SALE OR PURCHASE OF CHILD.

Texas Licensed Adoption Agencies are the only ones legally allowed to help a Birthmother with her living expenses.  

Eighth, The Hospital and Post-delivery, Signing of Relinquishments relating to your relationship with your baby cannot legally occur until after the baby is 48 hours old. While in the hospital, the mom can care for the baby, share care with or allow the prospective adoptive family to take care of the baby. Many hospitals will provide a courtesy room to adopting parents at no cost. This can be an excellent time for the birth mother and the adoptive family to get to know and spend time with each other, though this will be up to the placing mom. You will need to be informed about specifics to prepare you for what happens in the hospital. We will discuss these things, if possible, before you have your baby, such as the naming of the child, completion of the birth certificate, application for the birth certificate, etc.

Ninth, Legal documents can be signed no sooner than 48 hours after the baby’s birth. Frequently, they are signed in the hospital, in front of a notary and two witnesses. You can pick the witnesses if you like, or we will provide them and the notary. A Birthmother can leave the hospital at 24 hours if she signs a Third-Party Release. The adoptive family must be present and caring for the baby. The birth parent(s) would then return to sign the actual Relinquishments at or after 48 hours. 

• You will not have to hire an attorney
• You will not have to appear in court
• You will not be expected to pay for anything

You are probably wondering if you can change your mind and, if so, when? Yes, you can. This is a tough decision that often conflicts with your head and heart. No matter how much you try to prepare for this decision, you can expect it to be the hardest one you will ever make. Almost every Birthmother I have worked with has grieved the loss of her mother/child relationship. They could only decide to place because of their deep desire for the child to have a life and opportunities they could not provide. 

Life is not a straight path and is always unpredictable. Suppose circumstances change or a mom can’t live with her decision. In that case, I strongly encourage her to withdraw the consent to the child’s placement for adoption BEFORE the baby leaves the hospital to go home with the adoptive parents. There is no easy time, and it will hurt the adoptive family whenever they lose the dream of adopting the baby. So, I encourage the Birthmother not to let the baby go home with them if you feel you will change your mind. 

Keep in mind Relinquishments signed through a Texas licensed adoption agency are irrevocable. That means you cannot change your mind once signed unless the agency agrees to it. So, it is crucial to be sure. 

Tenth, Placement of the Baby with the Adoptive Family. The Birthmother and the adoptive family will have a chance to decide how many contacts they will have, including with the baby, going forward. Sometimes this is in written form that Birthparents and Adoptive parents sign. This is a trust agreement and not a legal document. All adoptive families must agree, through AdopTexas, to set up a designated email account that only you and the adoptive family have access to. The Birthmother can directly contact the adoptive family and child through this email, including receiving pictures, updates, and letters. In the beginning, a Birthmother may not be sure how much communication she wants with the family and child. As she emotionally begins to heal and knows better how she feels about arranging visits with the child, she and the adoptive family can schedule regular visits with them and the child. These agreements generally evolve as the personal relationship between the adoptive family and birth mom grows.

Eleventh, Follow-up Counseling. Reputable agencies such as AdopTexas should always offer ongoing grief and post-placement counseling without a time limit. For example, suppose a pregnant mom comes to me during her pregnancy. In that case, I will begin helping to prepare her for the emotions she will more than likely experience. Post Placement, I continue to check on the birth mother and schedule appointments with her for counseling if she is open to this. Counseling is never forced on a Birthmother. However, my willingness to help women I have worked with at any point in the future if they need me, with their grief and healing, is my priority. 

I am not a psychiatrist and do not prescribe medications. However, I have over 40 years of experience counseling birthmothers and knowing normal emotions. Therefore, I can guide, support, and help these courageous women post-delivery after placement.

Finally, this is a lifelong decision. It must be handled correctly. You will understand that you will have less control of your plans and no advocate in an unlicensed placement.

Please call or text me, Charlotte at 281-235-5103, or you may email me at charlotte.duncan625@yahoo.com. You can trust that I will be your advocate.