What To Do When Faced With A Pregnancy You Aren’t Prepared For.

Child Placing Agency

I have been a maternity counselor for over 40 years with AdopTexas a Texas Licensed non profit Child Placing Agency. I have counseled women post abortion and post adoption. There is no easy answer when a woman is faced with a pregnancy she is not prepared for.
There are three options: keep and raise the child, abort the child or make an adoption plan for the child through Child Placing Agency. Once one of these decisions is made, no matter which one, there will be questions at times whether it was the right decision. The decision to keep the child, if she is able to provide for the child, is challenging especially for a single mom though can be a blessing especially if there is a support system. If keeping the baby is something a mom feels is not best for the child for many different reasons then there are only two other options.
The decision to abort the child, will save the mom from the 9 months of pregnancy. From my experience counseling women who have aborted a fetus, in every case except one, women have talked of the depression, guilt and wondering what that child would have been like. Many talk about experiencing sadness each year around the time the child would have been born, seeing children of the same age and thinking of the child that they would have had, at the same age. Often, they struggle with forgiving themselves. These women speak of the emptiness they feel that can never seem to be satisfied. They recall the pressure to terminate the pregnancy, they may have received from family, friends and/or the father of the baby. Sometimes, fear of dealing with reactions to what may have been an unplanned pregnancy may have actually driven a woman to abort her child, in secrecy.
Is adoption the easy answer? No. It, too, brings sadness, grief and a sense of loss. It is a tough decision that requires soul searching and brutal honesty with oneself as to what is best for the baby. People aren’t always understanding and kind to a woman who chooses adoption. Though, it can be a heart wrenching choice and will require time and support for emotional healing. Adoption stands significantly apart from abortion. Where abortion leaves only emptiness and loss, as it relates to the pregnancy; adoption brings the gratification and joy of new life and an option to have a relationship with the child and know how the child is doing throughout its life. The first mom can celebrate the growth and excitement of that child’s successes and accomplishments with the knowledge that she gave that child a chance for life.
I recall a seriously financially depressed family that had many children the couple was struggling to care for. The family that adopted this precious baby was wonderful about sharing information about her with her biological family. She became a gifted pianist and one year at Christmas, the family sent a video of her playing for the pope. She was only about twelve at the time. Her first mom and dad were beyond proud and ecstatic and shared this with the entire family. Their sacrifice in carrying that pregnancy and giving her to a family that not only encouraged her talent but shared her life and accomplishments with her original family, is only one example of the courageous, loving and unselfish families that I have worked with, both adoptive and birthparents.
I would like to let you read a letter from a woman who contacted me recently who gave her feelings about her own adoption and the choice she is also facing at this time. She is a voice for the innocent unborn who do not have a voice. These are her expressed feelings.
“The fact you are hearing these words right now is why choosing life for the unborn is important. The reason I am alive is because my mother made the strongest, bravest and most selfless decision a woman could ever make. She chose to let me live.
I am 37, have three children, am currently pregnant and will soon follow in my biological mother’s footsteps by placing my baby with one of the tens of thousands of waiting couples who are hoping someone like me will give them the chance to be parents.
Life is unpredictable. Having had everything, a perfect marriage that unexpectedly dissolved, wealth and poverty and now a pregnancy that was not planned I realize anything can happen. But there is no excuse to terminate a life. Abortion is a selfish decision that gives no consideration to the child’s right to live.I exist, I matter and I love my mother for sacrificing 9 months and choosing to let me live. I was given the opportunity to have a full life with parents who loved me and gave me a secure home.”

Abortion is a totally selfish decision taking in consideration only the pregnant woman’s feelings, needs and rights. It considers the fetus to only be a blob of tissue. I propose the logical view that a fetus is just another stage of development, no less human than a baby, toddler, adolescent, teenager or full grown adult. This is not a popular view as it would mean that abortion is actually destroying a human life.
Do I have the right to judge a woman who has chosen abortion? Absolutely not! I have compassion for them and want to see them heal. Do I agree with abortion? In answer I only repeat what the young woman who wrote the letter above, said in her final sentence, as it sums it up .
“This is not a matter of politics but simply the basic human right to live.“